How does your dog smell?
I was reminded recently of the dreadful old Music Hall joke which goes something along the lines of ‘how does your dog smell?’ Answer: ‘awful’. The prompt was a survey by a waste disposal company which reported on the nation’s 10 worst smells, one of which was wet dogs.
As might be expected, bad breath was near the top of the list, as were the smell of babies’ nappies, rotting food and sewers on a hot day. Various other slightly unmentionable niffs associated with the human condition were also listed as the top nose-peggers but there were also some unexpected responses. One person apparently cited fresh breath as an unpleasant odour (perhaps they misunderstood the question) whilst others complained about cut flowers (!), hairdressers’ shops, newspapers and maybe not so surprisingly Brut 33 aftershave.
A follow-up survey among dentists might come up with an interesting list of the profession’s least favourite pongs including root canal infections, stale curry and patients with less than fastidious general hygiene…but probably not good old copal varnish (sniff).
Oral sex scandal
There was a time when oral sex meant talking about it rather than, yes, herr hum, well anyway. However, Hollywood star Michael Douglas has now joined the ranks of performers speaking openly about cancer (Angelina Jolie famously being another) as in an interview about his throat cancer he commented that one cause of the condition is HPV (human papilloma virus) conveyed during oral sex and quite probably one of the reasons behind the increase of its incidence in young people.
Although attempts to sanitise his remarks followed, the message was quite clear and may well help to raise awareness of the risks of oral cancer. In another story on the same topic, health authorities in Scotland are being urged to provide boys as well as girls with the inoculations against HPV, it being argued that this will fight the possibility of infection from two directions. I am sure there is a comment somewhere about north of the border and south of the border, but I’m going to resist.
A spoon full of sugar
And whilst on the subject of ageing movie idols, Dick Van Dyke has been tweeting to ask his tens of thousands of followers to try and help diagnose and cure his bad headaches. Seemingly he has been told that the titanium in his dental implants could be to blame although there is no evidence to support this.
Famous for his attempt to play a cockney chimney sweep in the film version of Mary Poppins with much adverse critical comment, it could be that the lyrics of a song from that musical might help the problem ‘Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down’. Of course it may have been the cause of the caries that lead to the implants in the first place. Alternatively perhaps he needs to take his own character’s advice, deriving good luck when he shakes hands with you.
MAY WINNER
The winner of the May prize is Chris Parkin of Inverness for the caption: "Orthodontics? No, put me through to Orthopaedics please!"